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Living With A Passion
By: Dr Charmaine Saunders
www.charmainesaunders.com

The New Year ...
In the early part of a new year, it’s most appropriate to ask ourselves what our passions are, what fires us up and gets us out of bed each morning. If you have to struggle to answer this question, it’s clearly important to make passion one of your 2007 goals. Passion is not only about sex - that’s a classic myth. We can be passionate about any number of things in life - the people we love, career, hobbies, travel, food, movies, animals, causes - the list is endless. Passion is energy, excitement, emotion and ultimately love. We tend to feel passion for the things we love most. As with love, sexuality, joy and creativity, if it’s difficult for you to experience passion, there’s probably a blockage. Let’s look firstly at possible reasons for not feeling passion and then look at some of the ways we can live life more passionately every single day. 

Life without excitement would be pretty dull. A dull life feels like struggle, emptiness, futility. As a counsellor, I’m dealing with these issues all the time and I’m constantly thinking of new, creative ways to access inner power. The pure magic of being in touch with the wellspring of joy, strength and wisdom that exists within each of us is always available but through childhood wounding, past hurts and layers of conditioned negative responses learnt over time, it’s possible to forget how truly wonderful we are, and by extension, how wonderful the gift of life is. 

Those who are continuously bored with life are bored with themselves; they’ve lost that special spark that sparkles the eye, lightens the step, broadens the smile. Boredom deepens and the circle is complete. Day upon day, week after week, year following year - can you imagine the deadening effect of this attitude? Don’t let anybody convince you they’re happy being limited, depressed, cheerless. That’s just a defence mechanism, more denial to cover up the fact that they’re bleeding inside. When no strategy is apparent, it’s too scary to admit these feelings yet without admission and the right kind of surrender, there can be no healing. Pain IS the cure so we have to embrace the hurt of release, the terror of shedding old skin and the exhiliration of rebirth. Only then can we come alive to our senses and to a new life. In this new place, passion is a constant, a natural inheritance, an eternal gift.

PASSION FOR PEOPLE
When we first connect with someone, either as a new friend or a potential life-partner, we are literally `over the moon.’ We can barely contain our excitement, our hearts race when we see them and we count the hours between meetings. We can’t get enough of the beloved. Experts now even say that our hormones change for the first few months of a new relationship. Then, as is normal in all human endeavour, novelty wears off and mundaneness sets in. It’s easy for passion to become submerged, even forgotten. That’s why a lot of people end things before they really begin because the magic becomes obscured and romantic idealists cannot sometimes see the bigger picture. Passion, like a flower embedded in ice, can bloom again when the thaw comes. All we have to do is open our hearts. Passion like love never really dies but it sure can get stale and lose its lustre. So hang on tight to whatever excited you in the first place about the person you love most and all the other people close to you. You can express your passion for others in many different ways, through sexual activity, words, in writing, in sharing time and space, through laughter, affection and joy. But remember passion is a free-flowing energy. If you try to hold on too tightly, you’ll stifle the very excitement you’re trying to generate. Trust the flow of passion in your life, be one with it and the fires will never go out.

WORK
I read somewhere that `superannuation is what we get paid for being bored for 30 years.’ Well, I’m sorry but there couldn’t be enough millions in the world to compensate me for 30 years of boredom, suppression of enthusiasm, death of the soul. I’ve always been lucky that I’ve loved my work ever since I taught at my first school aged 23. But it’s more than luck too. It’s a life-choice which each one of us can make. I’m not saying everybody can have an exciting, fulfilling job. Some people do work just to earn money. If that’s the case with you, find other interests that stimulate your mind and quickens your heart. Don’t just settle. Make the most of your work whatever it is; if there’s an opportunity to better yourself, grab it; take courses and classes just for your own advancement; read and talk and research; do something new every day. Passion is about variety and stimulation. Without this, you may as well be a robot counting down the hours of your existence. If that sounds grim, you can change it by altering your attitude. People who jump out of bed in the morning with a smile and a skip don’t have perfect or easy lives; they are simply the ones who believe in endless possibilities - hey, another day and anything could happen. If it’s good, great, if it’s not, we’ll deal with it. You can’t fake passion - all right, there’s one area where you can but I’m not talking about that right now - you can fake enthusiasm but true passion has to be felt, in the sinews, in the blood, in the soul. A good rule of thumb with work is find something you’re good at. If that’s cleaning toilets, then be the best darn toilet-cleaner around. Whether you are a plumber or a surgeon, you’re not going to do your job very well if you’re jaded, if your heart’s not in. So, change your work if you truly hate it (life’s too short) or change your mind about it if you can’t switch jobs. 

INTERESTS
There are as many hobbies, interests and activities to create passion as there are people on the planet. What’s your thing - craft, dancing, gardening, animals, reading, sport? I had an interesting chat with a middle-aged woman serving me at the till in a supermarket over Christmas. We got talking about cooking and she said she absolutely hated it and doesn’t know how her children ever made it growing up because she never cooked for them. I said cooking was creative, relaxing, most enjoyable - for me. She then proceeded to tell me she’s a landscape gardener in her spare time and can build just about anything in her house. Horses for courses! What excites one person bores another rigid. Some activities create passion more readily than others, I suppose - good passion as in dancing and sometimes negative passion as in politics. Do not mistake passion for obsession. I know people who cannot do anything without overdoing - taking up a sport turns into a daily ritual that must be observed; a new friend must be contacted every other minute; a hobby must be accompanied by all the paraphenalia that comes with it. Being passionate is about living in the moment. Enjoy it as it surges but don’t let it take over your life. Visualise your life as you’d like then make it happen. Becoming fanatical, fixated and rigid is about control, anathema to true passion. 

SEX
Yes, we do have to cover this type of passion also. It’s a vital part of life but does not necessarily mean you have to be actively engaged in sexual activity or in a relationship. It’s about letting your sexual energy flow. When you’re open to life in all its facets, your passion will naturally be alive. If you have a sexual partner, use sex for more than just physical gratification; let it feed you spiritually, be a tool for communication, show your love and free your spirit. Be adventurous, daring, enjoy your body, wear sexy lingerie, walk around naked, touch yourself and your partner, see intimacy in its widest forms. If you are not involved with anyone sexually in the present, be sexual with yourself in sensual ways, enjoy your own company, connect your energy to all life around you. The secret is to be a complete person, not closing yourself off from experience, experimentation and expression. That’s where your passion lies. Be open to ecstasy - don’t just go through the motions. 

HOW TO GENERATE PASSION

harness your inner power 
live in the moment 
be open to life’s possibilities 
let go of fear and control 
be true to yourself 
have fun every day; be playful 
stay positive 
get physical; be healthy and energetic 
`follow your bliss’ - do what excites you 
`seize the day’ - don’t procrastinate and put off your dreams 
live creatively 
surround yourself with passionate, positive people and fill your life with music, laughter, nature, variety, children, animals, things that stir the imagination and light your internal fires.

www.charmainesaunders.com