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Dating with a New Attitude
By: Julie Marie Zaoui
Whatever your attitude is about dating, “remember it's just a habit”.
A winning attitude is a habit and so is losing attitude. If you want some help in changing your attitude – work with a relationship coach to gain the skills and to become clear about your requirements and the traits that you would like in your future loving partner.
I must say that having an attitude has gotten a bad rap. It isn't necessarily a bad thing. Attitudes can be positive or negative. And the truth is everything in life, including dating, is about attitude.
I'm not suggesting that you should act like you really believe your own press release, and be arrogant, rude, critical, and treat people poorly. That is a bad attitude, and shows a lack of respect for yourself and others. A negative attitude is a buffer which only creates a wall between you and other people.
When you have a negative attitude you attract and are attractive to those men and women who are emotionally unhealthy. Why would someone who is emotionally healthy, has a good sense of self, and a positive attitude want to be around someone who is toxic?
Negative people often have a string of bad relationships because they have established a pattern, or a habit, of attracting the same style of person. Your dating history will tell you a great deal about your dating habits. Do you settle and choose someone who is BTN (better than nothing) or do you go for someone who has the qualities on your list of your essential requirements? Do you have a series of bad relationships and you don't understand why? Here's the answer. You have developed bad dating habits and a bad attitude.
All relationships are a habit. Good relationships are the result of creating and reinforcing good habits. Bad relationships happen because of bad habits. Some of these bad habits include: continually dating the same type of person, expecting another to fulfil your needs and make you happy, expecting a "relationship" to make you whole and complete, and being comfortable in a relationship that constantly has problems.
People with positive attitudes" attract other positive, healthy people and usually create good relationships. Positive people are much more attractive because of their openness, honesty, vulnerability, and being approachable. Their inner qualities shine through, which is revealed in their demeanour, and body language that they genuinely like the person they are, they are comfortable in their own skin, that they are happy with themselves, and that they have a desire to connect with other people.
Positive attitudes attract the right people. Negative attitudes repel the right ones and attract the wrong ones. Negative people reveal themselves in their attitude, demeanour and body language. They are usually critical, cynical, guarded, often dishonest, and deceptive with themselves and others. Since they have given themselves permission to treat themselves poorly, they think they have permission to treat others this way too. It validates their negative habits. And then, because they are not happy with themselves, they look to others to make them happy. Someone who "wants" to be happy in a relationship but "expects" to be unhappy will develop a bad relationship, out of habit.
Habits are caused by attitude and expectations. Here's how to develop a positive dating attitude. First answer these questions and get real:
What is my true attitude about dating?
What really is my attitude and expectations of the opposite sex?
What do I really believe about dating?
What are my bad dating habits?
Make a list. If you don't like your attitude, change it. Here's how:
Sometimes, but not always, it makes sense to give a person a second chance. Most people are usually nervous on their first date. By the second date, you're both more relaxed and you've broken the ice. However, if after the second date there's still no chemistry or connection, then at least you know you gave it your all. Then it's time to say, "Next."
· Focus on what's positive in your life, what you have and what's working, your good qualities, not on what's missing. Make a list.
· Decide that you are worthy of a good partner and totally deserve to have a great long term loving relationship.
· Trust yourself that you will attract positive people in your life, despite what's happening in your past relationships and you’re dating history.
· Be open to having a healthy date and a positive connection with new people.
· Outline the traits of a healthy partner and what a good relationship looks like for you. And don't go out with anyone who doesn't have those traits. You want a relationship, not a project.
· Approach dating in a new, more positive way, and with the knowledge that you are clear about your unnegotiable requirements.
· Do something positive to reinforce your dating attitude every day for 30 days.
It takes 21-30 days to change a habit (21 days if you're willing, 30 if you're kinda resistant like me), and then 30 more days to reinforce the attitude and behaviour to make it a habit.
Relationship and Personal Success Coach - Melbourne
Call - Julie Marie Zaoui - Today and make a new beginning tomorrow.
Member - International Coaching Federation
Member - Australian Life Coaching Association
Mobile 0418 246 446 -1 to 5 pm- week days
Phone 03-8848-0826 -1 to 5 pm- week days
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