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By: Poppy Pavlides (c) 2007
Poppy Pavlides founder of Kickstart Coaching, public speaker and the coach featured in the SBS documentary “The Life Style Experts”
Fear of rejection is something we all experience at some time in our life.
Where can we see fear?
• In a relationship
• In the work place
• Within a family unit
• As a youth
• As an adult
• As a parent
• Doing a hobby
• In a game
• In our thoughts
Fear of rejection ……what does this mean?
Fear of not being good enough, not attractive, not following tradition , not following a religion, not following the family plans and values, and I’m sure you would agree more of these thoughts or cations can actually trigger the words which say If I don’t do this …… I will not be accepted, or I will be disowned, or kicked out or not belong are a sign of fear of rejection.
That fear of not belonging and being rejected from where we wish to belong, stops individuals of reaching their full potential.
So let’s have a look at how fear can affect people’s actions and you as a person.
I know from experience that when the thought of not belonging and not doing what the family expected scared me to death.
How does this thought effect people’s actions?
We compromise our unique personality traits and strengths, our skills and passion.
We become what other people wish us to be and we act the way other people want us to act.
What happens next?
Well we start to withdraw from all the things which are important to us. We start to do what society, family, religion, friends, culture, want and expect us to do.
And we may be happy for a little while.
The day will come where we start getting angry and we don’t know why, we will start to question everything around us including our lives and how we live our life. We will start to question our existence.
We will withdraw from many things which use to be normal. Our loved ones who may not know what is happening will not know us or our cautions. We will shed friends and even change jobs and some times sperate from partners who we love as people but we can not communicate any more, as a partner. And we start to hate our selves for it.
Why is this all happening you will ask?
I don’t know who I am any more.
All my life I have tried to please every one around me and now they are not happy and the most important person in my life is not either and that is me.
Why did I do this you may ask? Well because I was afraid of rejection.
Fear of rejection is the key to many problems and challenges you will face in life.
What can you do to change this cycle?
Start to live a life which is true to you.
Live your truth
Speak your truth
Project your truth
Start living the life meant for you and not for someone else, because if you don’t you will reach a point where you will hate who you have become. Sooner or later you will reach the point of no return.
Stop being afraid of rejection and embrace who you truly are and people will learn to love who you are.
Who you are meant to have in you life from your past will stay, the ones who can not deal with the new you, will drop away and new people will come in to your life who are like minded, and new opportunities will arise which will lead you closer to your true self and your purpose in life.
As Long as you are prepared to be you, you will go forward, if not, you will go back to old habits.
We all know what is best for us.
Learn to listen to your inner voice and learn to look for the fear surfacing and change your thoughts from fear to learning's. Take calculated risks and you can not go wrong.